![]() ![]() Malory: WELL, IF YOU'D LET ME! Archer: YEAH, TELL ME HOW MY FATHER MIGHT BE NIKOLAI JAKOV, HEAD OF THE KGB, OR LEN TREXLER, HEAD OF ODIN!Īrcher: I ASSUME THOSE ARE MY ONLY CHOICES! Lana: SERIOUSLY? YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH CAROL?! CHERYL! ![]() Malory: SO, THERE MAY OR MAY NOT BE A FEW OTHER POSSIBLES IN THE MIX. Malory: SO A LOT OF GOOD CAME OUT OF THAT.Īrcher: OH, SO, ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL?! Malory: WHAT WAS I TO DO? TELL A 3-YEAR-OLD HIS FATHER MIGHT BE IN THE KGB?!Īrcher: WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MIGHT BE?! Malory: I DONATED 600 BUCKS TO A JUNIOR ROTC TEAM UP IN YONKERS.Īrcher: WHAT? Malory: WHICH THEY USED TO GO TO A COMPETITION IN ALBANY, WHERE THEY WON THIRD PLACE! BECAUSE I MADE IT ALL UP.Īrcher: BUT THE MILITARY FUNERAL! READY! Lana: AND WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? FIGURE IT OUT, TRUCKASAURUS.Īrcher: BUT I ALREADY HAVE A FATHER! HIS NAME WAS JOHN FITZGERALD ARCHER, AND HE WAS A FIGHTER ACE AND HE WON THE NAVY CROSS AND HIS MEN CALLED HIM. SHE WASN'T THE ONLY ONE CYRIL CHEATED WITH. Lana: WELL, AT LEAST MY EX-BOYFRIEND ISN'T A NOOSE I MADE OUT OF EXTENSION CORD. ARCHER, LIKE WHEN CYRIL CHEATED ON YOU? AH! OOH! Lana: YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE MONSTER-HANDS THING - STARTING TO BORDER ON MEAN. Krieger: THEY'RE NOT - IT'S LIKE BEING CHOKED BY A CHILD, WHICH I THOUGHT WOULD BE HOT, BUT. BUT IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S YOUR WEAK, WOMANY HANDS. Krieger: AND NOW A SAD MOON IS ON THE RISE. I'M SORRY, KRIEGER, BUT IT'S OVER, SO HERE'S ALL YOUR CREEDENCE CLEARWATER ALBUMS BACK. TWO STEUBEN GLASSES LEFT, AND YOU BREAK ONE. JUST NOT IN THIS CASE.Īrcher: I KNOW WHAT - WHAT? YOU'LL CUT YOURS- STERLING!Īrcher: AND A FOLLOW-UP QUESTION! WHY DID HE JUST CALL ME SON?! Malory: WELL, YOU KNOW, FROM TIME TO TIME - NO, JUST LEAVE THAT. THAT BRAZILIAN AU PAIR DID THAT WHEN YOU WERE 13!Īrcher: 12! AND WHY DOES NIKOLAI JAKOV, THE HEAD OF THE KGB, HAVE A DIRECT LINE TO YOUR OFFICE?! Malory: I MUST BE, BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST DESTROYED MY STEUBEN BAR SET!Īrcher: WELL, YOU JUST DESTROYED MY INNOCENCE! I WILL BE HERE MAYBE ONE HOUR.Īrcher: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! Malory: NIKOLAI, COULD I CALL YOU BACK? Jakov: DA. Malory: NO, I THINK "INCREDIBLY AWKWARD" JUST ABOUT SUMS IT UP. Malory: YOU MEAN BESIDES INCREDIBLY AWKWARD? Archer: WHAT? Malory: YOU IDIOTS RUN AROUND HERE LIKE IT'S SPRING BREAK ON SOUTH PADRE. Malory: SAID THE KETTLE! WHICH IS WHY I STARTED THAT NEW POLICY. I MEAN, CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM, CHEATING ON LANA? ![]() Malory: OH, I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SURPRISED. Malory: HE WENT THROUGH MY DESK?! Archer: I GUESS. Malory: WHERE THE HELL IS MY STAPLE GUN?! Pam: I DID THAT, BECAUSE SOMEBODY IN THIS BUILDING IS GONNA HAVE SEX WITH ME.Īrcher: YEAH? YOU THINK BETWEEN NOW AND FRIDAY, YOU CAN SCORE SOME ROOFIES?Īrcher: UH, PAM, I WILL END YOU. Pam: WELL, DO IT BEFORE QUITTING TIME FRIDAY!Ĭyril: WHY WOULD MS. LIKE, STUCK AT HOME, WAITING FOR THE CABLE GUY, OR - OH, HEY, WHAT YOU DOING THURSDAY BETWEEN 9:00 AND NOON? Īrcher: 1:00 AND 4:00? I'LL BE DOING ONE OF YOUR CO-WORKERS. OH, AND ONE TIME, TWO ACTUAL PRINCESSES.Īrcher: CYRIL, YOU THREW LANA AWAY ON CHICKS LIKE - LIKE CAROL. ![]() WHEN MOTHER FOUND OUT YOU CHEATED ON LANA -Īrcher: YEAH, BUT WITH STARLETS, MODELS. GUESS WHAT.Īrcher: IT'S EXACTLY YOUR FAULT, IDIOT. Pam: IT MEANS NO MORE BANGING CO-WORKERS.Ĭyril: Pam: OH, WAIT. Malory: WH- AND WHY DO YOU HAVE A CLEAVER?! Ĭyril: "ALL INTEROFFICE FRATERNIZATION OF AN INTIMATE NATURE IS HEREBY PROHIBITED, TO INCLUDE, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, TRYSTS, ASSIGNATIONS -" WHAT'S THIS EVEN MEAN? WHO'S THERE?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?! BECAUSE ALL YOU'RE GONNA GET IS HOLES! I-I MEAN HOLES IN YOU, NOT MY. Malory: AND THAT'S YOUR MESSAGE? MY GOD, WHO. ![]()
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